the death of Aharon and Miriam

Why does the Torah need to tell us that Hor HaHar, the burial place of Aharon, was on the border of the land of Edom?  Rashi (20:23) explains that it was because Bnei Yisrael drew close to Edom that they lost Aharon.

All Bnei Yisrael did was ask Edom for passage through their lands, and since Edom did not grant permission, they were forced to circumnavigate their whole territory – what kind of contact was there that would cause the death of Aharon? 

The Shem m’Shmuel writes that the problem was the message sent to Edom (20:14), “Koh amar achicha Yisrael,” “This is what your brother Yisrael has to say…”  We are not brothers with Edom.  And while it is true that the navi Malachi says (1:3), “Ha’lo ach Eisav l’Ya’akov,” “Is not Eisav the brother of Ya’akov,” the navi is careful to use the name Yakaov, not the name Yisrael.  Biologically of course we are related to Eisav, but when we speak of ourselves as Yisrael, the name that alludes to our spiritual greatness, we need to recognize that we are alone and apart from all other people. 

Even though that message to Edom was sent by Moshe, and even though it was for the purpose of reminding Edom that as our brother they should have shared the burden of Egyptian slavery with us and therefore they owed us, there was still something wrong with it.

The Shem m’Shmuel does not spell out what the midah k’neged midah is here, so I just wanted to add my own two cents.  Aharon’s life work as a rodef shalom v’oheiv shalom was to increase achvah, brotherly love, within Klal Yisrael.  The use of the term “achicha,” brother, when speaking to a descendent of Eisav, proved that we did not fully appreciate what the value of true achvah is; we did not appreciate the value that Aharon dedicated his life to install in Klal Yisrael.  Therefore, Hashem took Aharon from us at that moment.

On another note, the episode of Mei Meriva gets so much attention in the meforshim that we almost forget that last week’s parsha tells us of Miriam’s death as well.  We know why Moshe and Aharon did not merit entering Eretz Yisrael; however, my wife pointed out, we are never told why Miriam died in the midbar.  Anyone have any ideas?

(Update: Here is an obscure Midrash quoted in the Torah Shleima that has an answer, but I am not sure what to make of it.)