ומ"ש שיש מקומות שנוהגין שלא לומר השירה כ"כ הכלבו והטעם משום דאין לומר שירה לעת כזאת והעולם נוהגין לומר במקומה שירת האזינו :
Rav Ovadya, who sees the Beis Yosef as THE authoritative and accepted source, therefore paskens that shiras ha'yam is said. However, I saw that R' Shlomo Toledano writes in his sefer Divrei Shalom v'Emes (written to defend the preservation of other minhagim against R' Ovadya's use of the Beis Yosef to steamroll over them) that North African communities, e.g. Morocco, do follow this view quoted in the Tur.
What is the hesber of the machlokes? I do not think it is as simple as דאין לומר שירה לעת כזאת, that there is a ban on saying shirah, because what is Ha'Azinu if not shirah? According to many opinions the mitzvah of "kitvu lachem es ha'shirah ha'zos" is speaking about Ha'Azinu. The way Ha'Azinu is written in the Torah, in two parallel columns, is reflective of the structure of shirah and not prose. I think the issue is that saying az shir in particular is a contradiction to the essence of what 9 Av is all about. The Targum translates the pasuk זֶ֤ה ק-לִי֙ וְאַנְוֵ֔הוּ as וְאֶבְנֵי לֵיהּ מַקְדַּשׁ (the word נוה = dwelling). Later in the shirah we have נֵהַ֥לְתָּ בְעׇזְּךָ֖ אֶל־נְוֵ֥ה קׇדְשֶֽׁךָ, and similarly מָכ֧וֹן לְשִׁבְתְּךָ֛ פָּעַ֖לְתָּ ה׳ מִקְּדָ֕שׁ ה׳ כּוֹנְנ֥וּ יָדֶֽיךָ. The shirah expresses not only the joy of Bn"Y at seeing the revelation of gadlus Hashem at that moment, but also the desire to give that revelation a permanent place, a permanent home, in their midst. Shiras ha'yam is a song of aspiration for the binyan hamikdash, and it is that theme which does not fit with 9 Av, the day dedicated to mourning the destruction of the mikdash. Hazinu, which speaks of שִׁחֵ֥ת ל֛וֹ לֹ֖א בָּנָ֣יו מוּמָ֑ם דּ֥וֹר עִקֵּ֖שׁ וּפְתַלְתֹּֽל, reflects a more apropos theme, and is therefore read in its place.
2) The Rama (OC 296) writes that women should not recite havdalah for themselves on motzei shabbos. This avoids a potential safeik bracha l'vatala. The Rama is hedging his bets, as it could be that havdalah should be treated like kiddush and other mitzvos aseh of shabbos which women are obligated in, or it could be that havdalah is not a mitzvah of shabbos, as it designates the departure of shabbos, and it should therefore be treated as any other zman gerama mitzvah which women are exempt from. (Even though minhag ashkenaz is that women can recite a bracha on a mitzvah which is zman gerama, havdalah is different for various reasons as the meforshim there explain.).
Even though if there is no other option we pasken that women can recite havdalah for themselves on motzei shabbos, this Rama makes a nafka minah for 9 Av which falls on Sunday like it does this year. In this case, where reciting havdalah motzei shabbos is impossible, some Rishonim (Ramban) hold that the chiyuv havdalah is suspended completely and goes out the window; other Rishonim hold that there is a chiyuv havdalah which can be fulfilled Sunday night, or, if one is feeling ill, before one eats (and if one is ill and must be mavdil the poskim discuss whether to use chamar medina or grape juice). We pasken like the latter view; however, when it comes to whether women can say havdalah on Sunday, there is a sfeik sfeik -- the Rama's safeik whether they can ever say havdalah on any motzei shabbos, and the additional safeik whether there is a chiyuv havdalah or not for anyone when 9 Av falls out on Sunday. Therefore, according to many opinions, women should avoid saying havdalah themselves. Either they should hear havdalah from a man and drink thekos (and the man need not repeat havdalah after the fast), or eat without saying havdalah if there is no other solution. Consult your local rav.
If a woman does say havdalah for herself, the Shmiras Shabbos k'Hilchisa (62:48) writes that it would be better to give the wine/grape juice to a katan to drink if possible. I saw R' Chaim Kanievski quoted as disagreeing. A katan as a definite chiyuv in havdalah, albeit only a chiyuv derabbanan. According to the logic above, there is a sfeik sfeika whether women have a chiyuv at all. If she has no chiyuv, everything recited after the "borei pri ha'gafen" is a hefsek. If the katan answers "amein" to her havdalah, he has been mafsik between the bracha and drinking. (There is a discussion in general whether a katan who eats on 9 Av is should say havdalah or not, but that's a different story.)
If a woman does say havdalah for herself, the Shmiras Shabbos k'Hilchisa (62:48) writes that it would be better to give the wine/grape juice to a katan to drink if possible. I saw R' Chaim Kanievski quoted as disagreeing. A katan as a definite chiyuv in havdalah, albeit only a chiyuv derabbanan. According to the logic above, there is a sfeik sfeika whether women have a chiyuv at all. If she has no chiyuv, everything recited after the "borei pri ha'gafen" is a hefsek. If the katan answers "amein" to her havdalah, he has been mafsik between the bracha and drinking. (There is a discussion in general whether a katan who eats on 9 Av is should say havdalah or not, but that's a different story.)
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