hadlakas menorah as a kiyum of hodaah

The gemara tells the story we all know of the Chashmonaim finding a single jug of oil that miraculously burned for 8 days:

 מאי חנוכה דתנו רבנן בכ"ה בכסליו יומי דחנוכה תמניא אינון דלא למספד בהון ודלא להתענות בהון שכשנכנסו יוונים להיכל טמאו כל השמנים שבהיכל וכשגברה מלכות בית חשמונאי ונצחום בדקו ולא מצאו אלא פך אחד של שמן שהיה מונח בחותמו של כהן גדול ולא היה בו אלא להדליק יום אחד נעשה בו נס והדליקו ממנו שמונה ימים 

The next year, says the gemara, they declared a holiday.  You would expect that since this whole story is talking about oil and the menorah, the gemara would say that next year the the Chachamim instituted lighting menorah.  But that's NOT what it says:

לשנה אחרת קבעום ועשאום ימים טובים בהלל והודאה

Hallel and hodaah?  What about the takana to light menorah?

Rav Bakshi Doron in his sefer on Moadim answers that the hodaah Chazal are speaking of **is** the lighting of the menorah.  

The Rambam says this very clearly (Chanukah 4:12):

מצות נר חנוכה מצוה חביבה היא עד מאד וצריך אדם להזהר בה כדי להודיע הנס ולהוסיף בשבח האל והודיה לו על הנסים שעשה לנו.

Rambam quotes the halacha to be extra careful in lighting because the lighting is "shevach haK-l v'hodaah."  

Similarly, Rambam writes earlier (3:3)

ומפני זה התקינו חכמים שבאותו הדור שיהיו שמונת ימים האלו שתחלתן כ"ה בכסליו ימי שמחה והלל ומדליקין בהן הנרות בערב על פתחי הבתים בכל לילה ולילה משמונת הלילות להראות ולגלות הנס.

"Madlikin ba'hen neiros" is an extension of the takana of "simcha v'hallel."  The lighting is the means by which we give praise and thank Hashem for the miracle.

We say in neiros ha'lalu that "ain lanu l'hishtamesh ba'hem," we can't have hanaah from the candles not because they are huktzah l'miztvaso, but rather because "k'dei l'hodos u'lhallel l'shimcha ha'gadol," because we need to demonstrate that these candles the means of giving hallel to Hashem, not ordinary lights. 

There is a fascinating teshuvah from R' Shlomo Kluger (this is not quoted by R' Bakshi Doron -- it is in HaEleph Lecha Shlomo #114) in which he distinguishes between the "af hein ha'yu b'oso ha'nes" that obligates women in ner chanukah, megillah, and 4 kosos on pesach and the "af hein ha'yu b'oso ha'nes" of experiencing the nes of the yeridas ha'mon that creates the chiyuv of 3 seudos on shabbos.  In the former examples, the takanos were instituted to give hodaah for the nes.  Everyone, including women, is obligated to thank and praise Hashem.  The latter takanah is just a zecher to the mon, not hodaah, and therefore women are not obligated to have 3 seudos on Shabbos.  (This is quite a chiddush because not only do the Rishonim write that women *are* obligated in 3 seudos of shabbos, but the Ran says explicitly that the reason why is because "af hein ha'yu b'oso ha'nes."  You have to do a lot of explaining things away to accept R'Sh"K's chiddush.  To be fair, he was only trying to justify the common practice of women being lenient, not suggest this as a lichatchila.)  

Now that we laid the groundwork that hadlakas hamenorah is a kiyum of hodaah, here's Daughter #1's question: we say modim derabbanan and do not rely on hearing modim from the shat"z because you can't say thank you through shlichus -- thanks has to be a personal expression of gratitude.  So how is it that all the members of the family can be yotzei menorah with the lighting of the baal ha'bayis?  How can a guest be yotzei lighting through being mishtatef with a perutah?  If hadlakah is all about hodaah = giving thanks, why doesn't each individual have to light for him/herself?