an ongoing conversation

A person goes through periods of gadlus ha'mochin and periods of katnus ha'mochin, ups and downs.  קָטֹ֜נְתִּי מִכֹּ֤ל הַחֲסָדִים֙ וּמִכׇּל־הָ֣אֱמֶ֔ת.  Katonti, Yaakov felt small and diminished, maybe overwhelmed, at what awaited him when he would again encounter Eisav.  And yet, this קָטֹ֜נְתִּי is seen by Yaakov as   מִכֹּ֤ל הַחֲסָדִים֙ וּמִכׇּל־הָ֣אֱמֶ֔ת, part of chasdei Hashem.  It's all part of the plan, both the ups and the downs, both the joys and the challenges. 

Rashi comments on קָטֹ֜נְתִּי מִכֹּ֤ל הַחֲסָדִים֙ וּמִכׇּל־הָ֣אֱמֶ֔ת that even though Hashem had promised to protect Yaakov, Yaakov was afraid that he might have sinned and prove unworthy of that promise being fulfilled.  Ramban disagrees with this reading.  We find two pesukim later, writes Ramban, that Yaakov says  וְאַתָּ֣ה אָמַ֔רְתָּ הֵיטֵ֥ב אֵיטִ֖יב עִמָּ֑ךְ.  If Yaakov was worried that his sins negated Hashem's promise, what difference does it make that Hashem that  had said  הֵיטֵ֥ב אֵיטִ֖יב עִמָּ֑ךְ?  

Maharal answers Ramban's question by distinguishing between an expectation and a request. ואין זה קשיא, דכך אמר דרך בקשה - כיון דסוף סוף הבטיחו הקב״ה, והיה מבקש דרך תחנונים, שעם התחנונים יהיה לו מועיל ההבטחה של הקב״ה: Yaakov felt he had no right to have any expectation of Hashem rescuing him based on the prior promise.  However, that does not mean he could not ask Hashem for help and even invoke that promise in his prayer.  We all ask Hashem for a lot of things that we may not deserve.  If we had to consider whether we deserve it or not before making a request from Hashem, we might never daven.    

It could be that Rashi followed in the footsteps, or I should maybe say made the footsteps which his grandson Rashbam follows in in reading וְאַתָּ֣ה אָמַ֔רְתָּ הֵיטֵ֥ב אֵיטִ֖יב עִמָּ֑ךְ :

 אף על פי שאין אתה מחוייב לקיים לי הבטחתך שהרי קטנתי וגו׳, אף על פי כן עשה למען כבוד שמך שתתקיים הבטחתך.

"Hashem, YOU said things would be good for me," Yaakov says.  If things don't go the right way, it's not just that I'm going to look bad, it's that you're going to look bad.  Therefore, even if I don't deserve it, even if the promise is negated  by my sins, for the sake of kiddush Hashem, grant it to me anyway.

The Kozhiglover essentially combines both of these approaches.  Yaakov was engaged in tefilah.  We know not every tefilah merits getting the response one is looking for.  How could Yaakov ensure that Hashem would grant his request?  How can we ensure that Hashem grants us what we ask for?

If you want Hashem to listen to your tefilah, then don't make it personal -- don't make it about your needs, your wants.  Make it about what will be marbeh k'vod shamayim, Hashem's needs kavyachol, Hashem's wants kavyachol.  If what you are asking for is in order to meet that end, even if you don't deserve it, it doesn't matter.  It's no longer about you, it's about the greater good of kvod shamayim.

The only problem with interpreting Yaakov's words as a prayer is that there is no lashon of tefilah used here.   וַיֹּ֘אמֶר֮ יַעֲקֹב֒... sounds like he is making a statement, not davening.  Sefas Emes (5643): ?בפסוק ויאמר יעקב אלקי אבי. ולא נכתב בלשון תפלה.  

Sefas Emes answers:  שלא הוצרך לשנות עצמו. כי הי' תמיד מוכן בבחי' עבודה שבלב זו תפלה. וז"ש שתיקן תפלת ערבית כי שחרית ומנחה הם זמנים מיוחדים לתפלה ותפלת ערב אין לה קבע. לכן אין כ"א יכול לה רק רשות מי שהוא בן חורין כיעקב אבינו. שבכל עת צרה דכתיב ויירא מאד. אעפ"כ ויאמר יעקב. וכל ההתנגדות והחשכות לא גרם אצלו ריחוק מבחי' התפלה וזהו תפלת ערבית

When does a person pray?  When they feel that G-d is distant and they need to reconnect.  Shacharis and mincha have a set time, as Avraham and Yitzchak, who instituted those tefilos, were not engaged in prayer all the time.  They had to carve out a moment to escape from the world and rebuild that connection with Hashem.  They had to reach out when they were in crisis.  Yaakov was different.  Arvis has no set time because Yaakov was always connected.  Yaakov's whole existence was avodah sheb'lev, connecting to his inner self and hence to Hashem.  (Like David haMelech, "Ani tefilah.")  

There is no need for a lashon of tefilah, to reconnect, because Yaakov's life was one of ongoing connection, of ongoing dialogue with Hashem.  It was one long ongoing conversation of "va'yomer" no matter what the circumstance, rather than a meeting based on the needs of the moment, whether it be crisis or joy.