mesirus nefesh for mitzvos aseh; no place to run to; kabbalas haTorah possible only if one is a baal chessed

Ramban quotes a Mechilta on the pasuk  וְעֹ֥֤שֶׂה חֶ֖֙סֶד֙ לַאֲלָפִ֑֔ים לְאֹהֲבַ֖י וּלְשֹׁמְרֵ֥י מִצְוֺתָֽי (20:4) saying:

רבי נתן אומר: לאוהבי ולשומרי מצותי – אלו שהן יושבין בארץ ישראל ונותנין נפשם על המצות. מה לך יוצא ליהרג, על שמלתי את בני. מה לך יוצא לישרף, על שקראתי בתורה. מה לך יוצא ליצלב, על שאכלתי את המצה. מה לך לוקה מאפרגל, על שנטלתי את הלולב. ואומר: אשר הוכיתי בית מאהבי (זכריה י״ג:ו׳) – המכות האלו גרמו לי לאהב לאבי שבשמים

A) A point l'halacha: the Mechilta seems to contradict the view of Rama (YD 157) who holds that the chiyuv of mesirus nefesh only applies when a person is being forced to violate a lav, not when a person is being prevented from being mekayeim an aseh.  The examples of the Mechilta -- milah, lulav, matzah, talmud Torah -- are all examples of mitzvos aseh (see Netziv in Haamek She'ilah 42:2).

B) A point l'machshava: why does the Mechilta focus only on those in Eretz Yisrael?  Were there no coercive decrees in chutz l'aretz?  (See Netziv in Haamek Davar)

R' Tzuriel in Derishat Tzion quotes the MG"A in Zayis Raanan who answers that the proper response to a decree is to run away.  If they don't let you run yeshivos the way you want in NY, or if you can't wear your kipa on a college campus in NY, then move to Florida! Why remain in harms way if you don't have to?  The residents of Eretz Yisrael, however, refuse to listen to that message.  How can you run away and abandon the daily kiyum mitzvah of yeshivat ha'aretz, something you can get no where else in the world? They residents of E"Y would rather stay and face the persecution than abandon the Land.  That's why davka they are called אֹהֲבַ֖י.  

Chazal tell us that there are 4 people who had letters added to their name.  Yeser had a vav added, and so we have our parsha of Yisro.  Avraham had a hey added, Sarah had a hey added, and Yehoshua had a yud added to the beginning of his name.  R' Noson Gestetner points out that the 4 added letters spell out the shem Havaya.  That's not by coincidence.  Avraham and Sarah brought monotheism to the world and caused a great kavod shamayim, revealing Havaya to the world.  Yisro sought out Hashem, abandoning all other avodah zarah.  This too increased the revelation of Havaya to the world at large.  Just as introducing monotheism and abandoning avodah zarah caused a greater revelation of the shem Havaya, so too did the conquest of Eretz Yisrael by Klal Yisrael and Yehoshua.  There is a connection between love for the Land, and אֹהֲבַ֖י, love of Hashem.    

2) The Midrash (Mechilta) tell us that Moshe tried to convince Yisro to stay on, but Yisro insisted on leaving.  Yisro said:

 אָמַר לוֹ כְּלוּם הַנֵּר מְהַנֶּה אֶלָּא בִּמְקוֹם הַחֹשֶׁךְ, וְכִי מַה הַנֵּר מְהַנֶּה בֵּין חַמָּה לִלְבָנָה, אַתְּ חַמָּה וְאַהֲרֹן לְבָנָה, מַה יַּעֲשֶׂה הַנֵּר בֵּין חַמָּה לִלְבָנָה, אֶלָּא הַרֵינִי הוֹלֵךְ לְאַרְצִי וּמְגַיֵּר כָּל בְּנֵי מְדִינָתִי וַאֲבִיאֵם לְתַלְמוּד וַאֲקָרְבֵם תַּחַת כַּנְפֵי הַשְּׁכִינָה.

Yisro had the opportunity to be close to and learn from the gedolei ha'dor, from Moshe and Aharon.  Imagine a bachur accepted to the most elite yeshiva in the world and offered an opportunity to learn b'chavrusa with the Rosh Yeshiva.  Who would turn down such a chance?  

What we see from this Chazal (see R' Shteinman's comment in Ayeles haShachar) is that being a mekabeil is not enough to satisfy a person.  A person has a built in need to be a mashpia and give to others as well.  Had Yisro stayed where he was, he could absorb an enormous amount from Moshe and Aharon, from his environment, but he felt he would have nothing to contribute.  To have a chavrusa with the Rosh Yeshiva sounds like a great thing, but if a person just sits passively and listens to the R"Y's chiddushim all day with nothing of his own to add, he will not grow or be satisfied.  He would be better served by learning with a peer with whom he can exchange ideas.  Yisro needed to return home where he would have the opportunity to use his talents to influence others or he would never achieve fulfillment and purpose.

The Midrash (28:1) writes that when Moshe went upstairs to get the Torah, the malachim gave him a hard time:

בְּאוֹתָהּ שָׁעָה בִּקְּשׁוּ מַלְאֲכֵי הַשָּׁרֵת לִפְגֹעַ בְּמשֶׁה, עָשָׂה בּוֹ הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא קְלַסְטֵירִין שֶׁל פָּנָיו שֶׁל משֶׁה דּוֹמֶה לְאַבְרָהָם, אָמַר לָהֶם הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא אִי אַתֶּם מִתְבַּיְשִׁין הֵימֶנּוּ לֹא זֶהוּ שֶׁיְּרַדְתֶּם אֶצְלוֹ וַאֲכַלְתֶּם בְּתוֹךְ בֵּיתוֹ, אָמַר הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא לְמשֶׁה לֹא נִתְּנָה לְךָ תּוֹרָה אֶלָּא בִּזְכוּת אַבְרָהָם, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: לָקַחְתָּ מַתָּנוֹת בָּאָדָם, וְאֵין אָדָם הָאָמוּר כָּאן אֶלָּא אַבְרָהָם

Hashem's response was to make Moshe look like Avraham, who had served food to the angels when they came to visit.  It would not be right to repay Avraham's hospitality by complaining about his descendants.

R' Shteinman explains that the way to be zocheh to Torah is through chessed.  Avraham's personified chessed, and Moshe reflected the same values.  That's the proof that humans are worthy of receiving the Torah.

I think this connects to the previous point.  To be mashpia on others is to do chessed.  If a person is only a mekabeil, only on the receiving end, and does nothing to better others, there is a lack of chessed.  Yisro realized that if he cannot contribute where he is, then even under the direct tutelage of Moshe and Aharon, he would not be zocheh to Torah because he would lack the necessary ingredient of being a baal chessed and contributing to others learning and development.